Boundary Repair Worksheet

A tool for self-reflection and for repairing connection inside community spaces

This worksheet exists to support anyone who realizes they crossed a limit, missed a cue, or created pressure in a shared space. It is not a punishment. It is a practice for staying connected while learning new relational skills.

It also supports self-compassion. We all make mistakes. We all carry hurt. Repair is how we grow rather than collapse.

You are welcome to use this after any event, especially if you noticed yourself overriding a limit or if someone let you know a boundary was crossed. You can fill out the whole thing for yourself, sleep on it, and then send only the short repair statement to the facilitator or the group within about 24 hours.

The full worksheet is for your clarity.
Only the repair message in Step Seven is shared out.

Step 0 of 8

Step Zero: Holding What Was Good

Before we look at what hurt may have happened, let's look at the wellness and growth that may have also occurred at the same time. This helps us stay connected to our heart even as we examine where we may have caused strain.

Event/Conversation Date or Description

Name of the Event or Gathering

Who might have been impacted? (facilitator, group members, etc.)

What did I love about this interaction?

How did I grow through it?

What do I not want to forget about my own heart even when looking at where I may have caused or participated in strain or rupture for those present?

Step 1 of 9

Step One: What was the limit that was set?

Describe the limit using the same language the facilitator or community member used.

Examples

A request to stop talking.
A request to stay within one or two sentences.
A request to pause.
A time limit.
A reminder to stay inside the shared frame of the exercise.

Step 2 of 9

Step Two: What did I do that moved past that limit?

Name only the behavior in one or two sentences.

Avoid extra story, explanations, or background.

Examples

I continued sharing after I was asked to stop.
I added more details after the limit was named.
I shifted into a topic that was not part of the container.
I kept talking even after someone said their body was overwhelmed.

Step 3 of 9

Step Three: What do I imagine the impact might have been?

Focus on the effect, not the intention.

What impact might this have had on the facilitator or others present?

Examples

People went quiet.
Someone physically moved back.
A person who reflected me seemed startled or unsure how to respond.
The room felt heavier or paused in a way that did not feel grounded.

Step 4 of 9

Step Four: What inner or body cues did I notice?

Note: This part is for your awareness only. No one else needs to read it.

Examples

My heart sped up.
I felt heat in my face.
I felt urgency to keep explaining.
I felt pressure to say everything at once.
I froze and then pushed through instead of stopping.

Step 5 of 9

Step Five: What specific action will I take next time?

Choose one concrete behavior. Keep it small and clear.

Examples

I will stop speaking the moment a limit is set.
I will put myself on mute after a limit is named.
I will switch to text so I can slow down.
I will share one sentence and pause.
I will breathe before responding.

Step 6 of 9

Step Six: Compassion Check

This worksheet is about repair. It is also about caring for yourself and caring for the group.

What kindness can I offer myself as I learn this skill?

What kindness can I imagine offering the facilitator or group?

Step 7 of 9

Step Seven: Repair Message

Important

This is the only part you send to the facilitator or group after reviewing the event and giving yourself time to settle.

Refine your answers from the previous steps into one clear sentence for each part:

💡 Your previous answers have been pre-filled below. Refine them into concise, clear statements for your repair message.

I see that a limit was set:

I moved past it by:

I imagine this created pressure for you and for others, and I noticed:

Next time, I will practice:

Optional note for facilitators:
If you receive a repair statement and want to respond, you can reply with:

"Thank you for sending this. I see the work you are doing. If I have anything to add, I will share it. If not, this is received."

This keeps the repair grounded without obligating anyone to coach.

Step 8 of 9

Step Eight: Follow Through Check

Note: This part is for you and the facilitator only if you both choose to engage.

Was there anything I missed in naming what happened?

If you have anything to share, how did this moment land for you?

Recipient's Name (who you're sending this to)

Your Name

📋 Your Repair Message to Copy and Send

Below is the repair message you created. You can copy it and send it to the facilitator or group within 24 hours.

📄 All Your Answers - For Your Records

Copy this entire section to save all your reflections in a spreadsheet or document.

Event/Conversation Date:

Name of the Event or Gathering:

Who might have been impacted?

Step 0a: What did I love about this interaction?

Step 0b: How did I grow through it?

Step 0c: What do I not want to forget about my own heart?

Step 1: What was the limit that was set?

Step 2: What did I do that moved past that limit?

Step 3: What do I imagine the impact might have been?

Step 4: What inner or body cues did I notice?

Step 5: What specific action will I take next time?

Step 6a: What kindness can I offer myself as I learn this skill?

Step 6b: What kindness can I imagine offering the facilitator or group?

Step 7: Repair Message - I see that a limit was set:

Step 7: Repair Message - I moved past it by:

Step 7: Repair Message - I imagine this created pressure, and I noticed:

Step 7: Repair Message - Next time, I will practice:

Step 8a: Was there anything I missed in naming what happened?

Step 8b: If you have anything to share, how did this moment land for you?

Recipient Name:

Your Name:

Thank you for doing this work. Repair is a practice of courage and care.